Mine is a practice of obstacles. I cultivated my home practice at the obstacle of new motherhood. I began teaching practice with the obstacle of bedrest. Obstacles. Broken body parts, surgeries, babies, farm life. It seems every time I make progress with asana practice, BOOM, Ganesha kicks my feet out from under me. So many obstacles. So much modification. So many tests of my resolve to seek practice. And even at my “best” the practice is often a struggle. No natural athlete am I. Not one thing has come easily, even the so-called “easy stuff. My teacher has said to me, “you are ALL effort.” And he isn’t wrong. And I want more than that.
I practice alone. Who is all that effort for? The little totems watching from my window ledge? All the obstacles. What if, instead of conquering them, I am meant to use them as tools?? Solitary practice is not another obstacle then, it is a GIFT! I am doing this practice for ME. No one else even sees it. If I never practiced with anyone again, (including my teacher,) I CAN STILL PRACTICE. What freedom in that. It is still practice without a perfect jump back, a flawless kapotasana, in old pants and a ratty top. It is never perfect. But it can be consistent. It can be reverent. It can be MINE.